Muaj Qhov Ua Tau Zoo Tshaj Plaws: Tham Nws Tawm

Zoo Siab

• Tshuaj xyuas rau

Txawm hais tias koj tuaj yeem tham nrog koj tus txiv neej txog dab tsi, thaum nws los txog kev sib deev, koj yuav pom koj tus kheej me ntsis txaj muag thiab tus nplaig khi (suab paub?). Tom qab tag nrho, nug txog dab tsi koj xav tau hauv chav pw tuaj yeem zoo li qhov txaus ntshai, tshwj xeeb tshaj yog tias koj tsis paub tias nws yuav tau txais li cas.

"Peb feem ntau pom peb tus kheej nyam hauv kev sib deev tsis yog vim peb tsis paub peb xav tau dab tsi, tab sis vim tias peb tsis paub yuav nug nws li cas," hais Emily Morse, kws paub txog poj niam txiv neej, thiab tus tswv ntawm Sex With Emily podcast. Txawm li cas los xij, tham txog kev sib deev tsis tas yuav ua rau txawv txawv lossis tsis xis nyob, Morse hais. Thiab nws yog hais txog txoj kev ntau tshaj qhov yooj yim nrog cov lus qias neeg. Siv cov lus qhia tshwj xeeb no los pab coj koj los ntawm koj txoj kev sib deev-thiab mus rau qhov loj dua, zoo dua O.

Txhaum Kev Tiv Thaiv-nrog cov lus

Nws tsis yooj yim rau ib tus khub hauv kev sib raug zoo txhawm rau tsoo 'kev sib deev nres' thaum nws los tham txog kev sib deev tag nrho ua ke, hais tias Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., tus sau ntawm Los li Koj Yog: Qhov Kev Tshawb Fawb Tshiab Zoo Tshaj Plaws uas Yuav Hloov Koj Lub Neej Kev Sib Deev. Qhov no tuaj yeem muaj tseeb tshwj xeeb rau cov poj niam, uas tuaj yeem txaj muag ntawm lawv kev sib deev, lossis ntshai sib txuas lus tsis zoo, nws hais.

Hauv qhov xwm txheej no, thawj kauj ruam yog tham nws tawm. Pib nrog lo lus nug yooj yim: Koj ntshai dab tsi yuav tshwm sim yog tias koj tham txog kev sib deev? Hais koj qhov kev ntshai txog dab tsi tuav koj rov qab rau hauv thawj qhov chaw tuaj yeem pab koj ua tiav. (Thaum koj hais lawv nrov nrov rau koj tus khub, lawv yuav tsis zoo li txaus ntshai lossis tsis muaj qab hau txhua qhov.) Ntxiv rau, "yam uas tiv thaiv kev sib txuas lus los ntawm kev ua haujlwm yog qhov txwv tsis pub muaj kev txaus siab rau kev sib deev," Nagoski hais. (Tom ntej no, mus saib 7 Cov Kev Sib Tham Koj Yuav Tsum Muaj rau Lub Neej Kev Sib Deev.)

Lub sij hawm thiab qhov chaw

Ntau tus khub niam txiv xav tias txhua yam ntsiab lus raug hais kom raug zoo raws li lawv tau tshwm sim, hais tias Morse. Thiab thaum qhov no tuaj yeem siv thaum nws los txog rau cov tais diav qias neeg, nws tsis yog qhov tseeb txog kev sib deev. Xaiv koj lub sijhawm kom zoo, hais tias Morse. Thiab nco ntsoov, "tsis hais txog kev sib deev tham, kev sib tham txog chav pw yuav tsum muaj nyob deb ntawm chav pw li qhov ua tau, hauv qhov chaw nruab nrab zoo li chav ua noj lossis chav nyob," Morse hais. "Lawv yuav tsum tsis txhob tshwm sim ua ntej, ncaj qha tom qab, lossis thaum muaj kev sib deev!"

Qhov tsis yog kev sib deev, tsis muaj kev cuam tshuam tshwj xeeb yog qhov tseem ceeb thaum nws los tham txog qee yam tshiab uas koj yuav xav sim, hais Nagoski. Nqa qhov kev sib tham nrog qhov tsis lees paub xws li, "Muaj qee yam kuv xav sim thiab kuv txhawj xeeb tias koj yuav ua li cas. Kuv xav cia li tham txog nws, yam tsis muaj kev nyuaj siab," nws hais ntxiv. Thiab yog tias koj tau txais qhov kawg ntawm qhov kev sib tham no, tsis txhob kaw qhov kev sib tham tam sim ntawd. "Nws yuav yog hais tias nyob rau hauv cov ntsiab lus nrog ib tug khub uas koj ntseeg tiag tiag, koj tuaj yeem xav txog txoj hauv kev uas nws tuaj yeem ua haujlwm rau koj. Yog tias nws ua, koj tau pom qee yam tshiab thiab zoo siab. Koj qhov kev tawm tsam thawj zaug tsis tas yuav yog nws, "Nagoski hais.

Kev sib txuas lus tsis tas txhais hais tias tham

Thaum nws los tham thaum lub sijhawm ua nws tus kheej, nws yog qhov zoo rau kev sib txuas lus yam tsis muaj lus, tsuav yog muaj qhov tseeb, Nagoski hais. Thaum qee tus neeg xav tias yooj yim hais tias 'nyuaj dua', 'nrawm dua', lossis siv cov lus sib deev, muaj lwm yam kev sib txuas lus zoo ib yam nkaus. Txawm hais tias qhov no los nrog tus lej lej (piv txwv li "Yog tias kuv hais tias 'cuaj' tsis txhob tso tseg") lossis lub teeb liab, lub teeb daj, lub teeb ntsuab, qhov tseem ceeb yog kom muaj kev sib tham ua ntej.

Tsis txhob xav tias koj xav tau kom txhua qhov xam pom tam sim, ib yam-koj yuav pom koj hom kev sib txuas lus zoo nyob rau lub sijhawm. Qhov zoo tshaj plaws, nws yuav tsum tsis txhob siv sij hawm ntev rau koj tus khub kom paub qhov txawv ntawm koj 'Kuv nyob rau hauv no' sigh thiab koj 'Kuv dhuav' sigh.

Cia Nws Zoo

Tsis muaj teeb meem npaum li cas koj txoj kev sib raug zoo yuav yog, kev sib deev yog thiab ib txwm yuav yog cov ntsiab lus kov. Yog li thaum koj yuav tsum tsis txhob qab zib rau koj cov kev xav, nco ntsoov ua kom pom qhov zoo. Morse hais tias "Muab qhov tseem ceeb rau yam koj tus khub ua yog raug," Morse hais. "Khaws qhov kev sib tham tsis raug liam los ntawm kev ua raws li 'Kuv' cov lus hloov ntawm 'Koj' cov lus (piv txwv li 'Kuv xav tias nws yuav ntxim hlub tiag tiag yog tias koj sim ua rau kuv' piv rau, 'Koj tsis txhob poob rau kuv'). "

Tshuaj xyuas rau