Nov yog qhov Polyamorous Relationship Tiag tiag - thiab nws tsis yog dab tsi

Zoo Siab

• Dab tsi yog qhov txhais ntawm polyamorous?
• Polyamorous kev sib raug zoo ≠ qhib kev sib raug zoo
• Qee qhov kev sib raug zoo poly muaj "qauv" thaum lwm tus tsis ua
• Cov neeg ntawm txhua tus poj niam txiv neej, kev sib deev, thiab kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem yog poly
• Tsis yog, ua poly tsis yog "tus qauv tshiab"
• Polyamorous kev sib tham tsis yog hais txog kev pw
• Tab sis, tau kawg, kev sib deev tuaj yeem yog ib feem ntawm nws
• Polyamorous kev sib raug zoo * tsis yog * rau kev cog lus-phobes
• Yog tias koj xav sim nrog polyamorous sib tam, koj yuav tsum ua koj qhov kev tshawb fawb
• Tshuaj xyuas rau

Bethany Meyers, Nico Tortorella, Jada Pinkett Smith, thiab Jessamyn Stanley yog txhua tus stylish AF, cov neeg ua lag luam tsis zoo ua rau nthwv dej ntawm koj kev noj haus. Tab sis lawv muaj lwm yam sib xws: Lawv txhua tus txheeb xyuas tias yog polyamorous.

Txog tam sim no koj yuav zoo li tau hnov ​​txog "polyamory" thiab "polyamorous relations." Tab sis koj puas paub lawv txhais li cas? Tshwj tsis yog tias koj tseem poly, Stanely hais tias koj yuav tsis ua. Hauv Instagram Zaj Dab Neeg tsis ntev los no, nws tau hais tias, "Polyamory tsis meej pem nrog kev xav pw ua ke lossis xav tau kev sib deev nrog ntau tus neeg sib txawv, uas tsis yog qhov nws hais txog." (Muaj feem xyuam: Yuav Ua Li Cas Kom Muaj Kev Noj Qab Nyob Zoo Polyamorous Relationship)

Yog li dab tsi yog kev sib raug zoo polyamorousua tau txog? Txhawm rau kom paub, peb tau sab laj nrog cov kws qhia txog poj niam txiv neej uas tshwj xeeb hauv kev coj ncaj ncees tsis yog monogamy. Ntawm no, lawv piav qhia kev hloov pauv ntawm polyamory thiab tshem tawm qee qhov kev xav tsis raug feem ntau ib puag ncig nws.

Dab tsi yog qhov txhais ntawm polyamorous?

Peb tus phooj ywg Merriam Webster hais tias lo lus "polyamory" yog hais txog cov neeg koom nrog ntau dua ib qho kev sib raug zoo ntawm ib lub sijhawm. Thaum pib ua tau zoo, tus kws qhia kev sib deev thiab polyamory hais tias lub ntsiab lus no ploj ib qhoua vv tseem ceeb tivthaiv: kev pom zoo.

"Polyamory yog kev coj ncaj ncees, ncaj ncees, thiab muaj kev sib haum xeeb uas tsim kev sib raug zoo uas tso cai rau peb koom nrog ntau yam (poly), kev hlub (nyiam) kev sib raug zoo," hais tias kev txaus siab los ntawm kev qhia txog kev sib deev thiab tus kws tshaj lij txog kev sib deev, Lateef Taylor. "Qhov kev pom zoo ntawm no yog qhov tseem ceeb." Yog li thaum tej zaum yuav muaj ntau yam kev sib raug zoo thiab/lossis kev sib deev tshwm sim ib txhij, txhua tus (!!) koom nrog tau paub tias cov no yog kev sib raug zoo hauv qhov chaw.

Nco tseg: Yog tias koj puas tau muaj kev sib raug zoo nrog kev sib raug zoo thiab dag los yog raug dag, paub tias yogtsis polyamory. "Kev dag yog tus cwj pwm uas tuaj yeem tshwm sim hauv txhua yam kev sib raug zoo vim tias nws yog ib qho kev sib tw hauv kev cog lus lossis ib puag ncig ntawm kev sib raug zoo," piav qhia tus kws qhia kev sib deev thiab tus kws paub txog kev puas siab puas ntsws Liz Powell, Psy.D., tus sau ntawmTxhim Kho Kev Sib Raug Zoo: Koj Tes-On Phau Ntawv Qhia Rau Swinging, Polyamory, & Tshaj.Kev txhais lus: Hu koj tus kheej "poly" tsis yog qhov pub dawb rau koj lossis koj tus khub koom nrog nrog leej twg koj xav tau.

Polyamorous kev sib raug zoo ≠ qhib kev sib raug zoo

Muaj ntau cov ntsiab lus kev sib raug zoo uas tsis yog-monogamous feem ntau conflated thiab tsis meej pem. Tus kws qhia txog kev sib deev thiab kev sib raug zoo Sarah Sloane, uas tau qhia qhia kev sib deev khoom ua si ntawm Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest txij li xyoo 2001, piav qhia tias kev pom zoo uas tsis yog poj niam txiv neej (qee zaum hu ua kev ncaj ncees tsis yog monogamy) encapsulatestag nrho ntawm cov no.

Tej zaum koj twb hnov ​​lo lus "queer" piav raws li lub kaus? Zoo, Sloane hais tias "kev pom zoo tsis yog-monogamy zoo ib yam ua haujlwm raws li lub kaus, ib yam nkaus." Hauv qab lub kaus yog lwm hom kev sib raug zoo uas tsis yog-monogamous, nrog rau kev sib raug zoo polyamorous, nrog rau kev sib tw, qhib kev sib raug zoo, throuples, thiab ntau dua.

Tos, yog li dab tsi yog qhov txawv ntawm polyamorous thiab qhib kev sib raug zoo? "Cov ntsiab lus kev sib raug zoo no yuav txhais tau qee yam txawv me ntsis rau cov neeg sib txawv," piav qhia Sloane. Feem ntau, txawm li cas los xij, "thaum ib tus neeg siv cov kab lus 'polyamorous,' lawv siv nws los piav txog kev sib raug zoo uas muaj kev xav thiab nyiam, tsis yog kev sib deev xwb," nws hais. Qhib kev sib raug zoo, ntawm qhov tod tes, zoo li koom nrog ib tus khub uas yog koj qhov tseem ceeb nyem/koj li khoom plig/koj tus khub/koj zib ntab, thiab lwm tus koom tes uas yog ~ kev sib deev dawb huv ~. Yooj yim muab tso, thaum qhib kev sib raug zoo thiab kev sib raug zoo polyamorous yog ob qho tib si kev coj ua ntawm kev coj ncaj ncees tsis yog monogamy, kev sib raug zoo polyamorous feem ntau muaj wiggle chav rau ntau tshaj ib qho kev sib txuas. (Muaj feem cuam tshuam: 6 Yam Tib Neeg Txaus Ntshai Tau Kawm Tau Los Ntawm Kev Sib Txheeb)

Cia li nco ntsoov: "Yuav kom paub seb ib tug neeg txhais li cas thaum lawv hais tias lawv nyob rau hauv ib tug polyamorous kev sib raug zoo, nug lawv, vim hais tias nwsua txhais qhov sib txawv rau tib neeg sib txawv, "Sloane hais.

Qee qhov kev sib raug zoo poly muaj "qauv" thaum lwm tus tsis ua

Ib yam li tsis muaj ob txoj kev sib raug zoo sib xws zoo ib yam, lossis tsis ua ob txoj kev sib raug zoo. "Muaj ntau txoj hauv kev sib txawv kom muaj kev sib raug zoo nrog ntau tus neeg, yog li muaj ntau txoj hauv kev uas muaj kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem tshwm sim thiab ua si tawm," hais tias Amy Boyajian, CEO thiab tus sib koom tsim ntawm Wild Flower, online online kev sib deev kev noj qab haus huv thiab neeg laus khw.

Sloane piav qhia tias qee tus neeg ua raws txoj kev sib raug zoo hauv cov koom tes uas suav tias yog "thawj," "theem ob," "qib siab," thiab ntxiv rau, raws qib kev cog lus koom nrog. "Lwm tus yuav tsis siv cov ntawv sau npe, tab sis yuav npaj 'qhov tseem ceeb' ntawm lawv txoj kev sib raug zoo nyob ib puag ncig lawv nyob nrog, muaj menyuam nrog, thiab lwm yam," nws hais. Ntawm qhov tod tes, qee tus neeg zam "qeb duas" cov neeg uas lawv tau woo-ing thiab raug woo-ed los ntawm, ntxiv Sloane.

Kev txheeb xyuas cov qauv kev sib raug zoo (lossis tsis muaj) uas ua haujlwm zoo tshaj plaws rau koj yuav tsum nkag siab koj tus kheej thiab koj xav tau dab tsi los ntawm koj txoj kev sib raug zoo, hais tias Boyajian. "Koj yuav tsum xav tob tob txog qhov koj nyiam nrog, koj xav tau dab tsi, thiab tom qab ntawd tuaj yeem sib txuas lus cov khoom ntawd rau koj cov koom tes thiab cov koom tes muaj peev xwm."

Cov neeg ntawm txhua tus poj niam txiv neej, kev sib deev, thiab kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem yog poly

"Txhua tus uas ntseeg thiab cog lus tias yuav muaj kev sib raug zoo uas tsis yog kev sib raug zoo tuaj yeem tshawb nrhiav qhov kev hlub no," Taylor hais.

BTW, koj tuaj yeem ua ib leeg thiab txheeb xyuas tias yog poly. Koj tseem tuaj yeem pw nrog lossis yos ib tus tib neeg nkaus xwb thiabtseem qhia tias yog poly. "Kev txheeb xyuas raws li poly tsis txhais tau tias kojib txwm muaj ntau tus neeg koom tes ib zaug," hais tias Boyajian, "Nws zoo li yog pansexual. Koj tseem yog poj niam txiv neej txawm tias tam sim no koj tsis tau tam sim no lossis tau pw nrog leej twg! "

Tsis yog, ua poly tsis yog "tus qauv tshiab"

Polyamory yuav zoo li qee yam ~ txhua tus menyuam txias ua ~ tab sis nws muaj keeb kwm nplua nuj. Powell hais tias "Cov neeg hauv paus txawm thiab cov neeg queer tau ua rau ntau, ntau xyoo," "Thiab thaum peb hu nws tias 'txoj kev', peb tshem tawm keeb kwm ntawm ntau haiv neeg uas tau xyaum coj ncaj ncees tsis yog monogamy thoob plaws hauv keeb kwm, ua ntej cov neeg dawb sab hnub poob pib ua nws."

Yog li vim li cas nws zoo li tam sim ntawd ib yam dab tsi txhua tus ua? Ua ntej tshaj, so kom txaus. Tsis yogsawv daws ua nws. Thaum ib qho kev tshawb fawb pom tias kwv yees li 21 feem pua ​​​​ntawm cov neeg Amelikas tau sim kev pom zoo tsis yog monogamy nyob rau qee lub sijhawm hauv lawv lub neej, lwm qhov chaw hais tias tsuas yog 5 feem pua ​​​​ntawm cov tib neeg yogtam sim no hauv kev sib raug zoo uas tsis yog-monogamous. Txawm li cas los xij, cov ntaub ntawv tsis ntev los no yog tsawg kawg yog ob xyoos, yog li cov kws tshaj lij hais tias feem puatej zaum yuav siab dua me ntsis.

Sloane tseem muab nws qhov kev xav tias: "Raws li ib haiv neeg, tej zaum peb yuav nyob hauv ib qho chaw uas peb tab tom muaj kev sib tham ntau ntxiv txog qhov ua rau kev hlub thiab kev sib raug zoo," nws hais. "Thiab ntau qhov kev sib tham peb muaj txog polyamory, ntau tus neeg muaj peev xwm txiav txim siab nws rau lawv tus kheej." (Related: Yog vim li cas Surprising poj niam xav sib nrauj ntau dua txiv neej)

Polyamorous kev sib tham tsis yog hais txog kev pw

Muaj qhov tsis nkag siab tias polyamory yog hais txog qhov xav tau lossis xav kom muaj kev sib deev nrog ntau tus neeg, Stanley nyuam qhuav qhia tawm hauv Instagram. Tab sis nws tau sau tias "nws tsuas yog ntau qhov kev ncaj ncees ncaj ncees xwb," nws sau.Raws li Powell piav qhia: "Polyamory tsis yog hais txog kev sib deev, nws yog hais txog kev ntshaw (lossis kev xyaum) ntawm kev xav kom muaj kev sib raug zoo ntau yam."

Qhov tseeb, qee zaum kev sib deev yeej tsis nyob ntawm lub rooj. Piv txwv li, tib neeg uas txheeb xyuas asexual (lub ntsiab lus lawv tsis xav tau kev sib deev) tuaj yeem muaj kev sib raug zoo, ib yam nkaus, hais tias tus kws qhia kev sib deev Dedeker Winston, tus sau ntawmTus Ntxhais Hluas Txoj Kev Qhia rau Polyamory. "Rau cov neeg uas muaj kev sib deev, polyamorous tso cai rau lawv los tsim kev sib raug zoo ntawm kev cog lus, kev sib raug zoo, kev sib koom ua ke, thiab kev sib koom nrog tus khub lossis cov neeg koom tes, thaum tseem tso cai rau tus khub sib deev."

Tab sis, tau kawg, kev sib deev tuaj yeem yog ib feem ntawm nws

"Polyamory yog hais txog kev tsim tus qauv kev sib raug zoo uas ua haujlwm rau koj, yog li kev sib deev tuaj yeem yog tus tsav tseem ceeb lossis tsuas yog ib feem," hais qhia kev sib deev thiab kws tshawb fawb poj niam txiv neej Ren Grabert, M.Ed. (BTW: Yog tias koj tab tom xav poly = orgies txhua lub sijhawm, twv dua. Tseeb, pab pawg poj niam txiv neej tej zaum yuav yog ib feem ntawm nws. Tab sis qhov ntawd tsis yog lub ntsiab lus ntawm kev sib raug zoo polyamorous.)

Thiab thaum sib deevyog ib feem ntawm nws, Boyajian hais tias kev sib txuas lus nyob ib puag ncig kev nyab xeeb-kev coj ua poj niam txiv neej thiab STI xwm txheej yog qhov tseem ceeb. "Puas yog koj siv kev tiv thaiv nrog tag nrho koj cov neeg koom tes? Puas yog ib pab pawg ntawm koj tshwj xeeb rau ib leeg thiab yog li ntawd tsis siv kev thaiv? Koj puas siv kev tiv thaiv nrog txhua tus neeg koom tes tab sis ib qho, leej twg koj muaj dej sib txuas nrog?" Cov ntsiab lus no yuav tsum tau pom zoo ua ntej kev sib deev tshwm sim thiab yuav tsum yog kev sib tham tsis tu ncua. (Ntawm no yog yuav nug koj tus khub seb lawv puas tau kuaj STD.)

Polyamorous kev sib raug zoo * tsis yog * rau kev cog lus-phobes

Muaj qhov tsis nkag siab tias ua polyamorous yog qhov ua rau "tsis zoo ntawm kev cog lus." Qhov ntawd yog hogwash. Qhov tseeb, Taylor hais tias poly xav tautuj ntawm kev cog lus -rau koj tus kheej thiab rau cov neeg uas koj pom. "Xav txog nws: Kev sib raug zoo nrog ntau tus neeg yuav tsum tau cog lus rau cov neeg koj tab tom ntsib lossis pom thiab hwm lawv thiab thaj tsam ntawm koj txoj kev sib raug zoo."

Qhov tseeb, yog tias koj pib yos polyamorous tshwj xeebvim koj muaj kev ntshai ntawm kev cog lus, koj txoj kev sib raug zoo yuav ua tsis tiav, hais tias Powell. "Yuav ua li cas tshwm sim yog tib neeg xaus rau lawv txoj kev cog lus-aversion-thiab cov teeb meem uas tuaj nrog nws-rau ntau qhov kev sib raug zoo, tsis yog ib qho." Woof.

Yog tias koj xav sim nrog polyamorous sib tam, koj yuav tsum ua koj qhov kev tshawb fawb

Tej zaum koj ib txwm xav tshawb nrhiav polyamory. Tej zaum Stanely txoj kev hlub tshaj tawm rau nws cov koom tes tom qab kev sib tsoo tsheb kauj vab ("Kuv kuj zoo siab heev f*cking ua tsaug rau kuv cov koom tes thiab txoj hauv kev uas lawv tuav kuv thiab sib koom ua ke hmo kawg/tag kis no") ua rau koj txaus siab. Los yog tej zaum koj tsuas yog xav paub ntxiv rau yav tom ntej siv. Txawm yog vim li cas, yog tias koj -lossis koj thiab tus khub -xav sim nrog polyamory, koj yuav tsum tau ua koj qhov kev tshawb fawb.

Ua tsaug, zaj lus no suav. Tab sis yog tias koj yogua tau nrhiav hnub polyamorously, nws tsis txaus. Grabert hais tias "Ua kev tshawb fawb txog kev sib raug zoo, muaj ciam teb nyob hauv txoj kev sib raug zoo ntawd, thiab yam koj tab tom nrhiav los ntawm kev sib tham uas muaj ntau yam yog qhov tseem ceeb," Grabert hais.

Rau qhov ntawd, cov kws tshaj lij tau xam phaj muaj cov lus qhia hauv qab no:

• Multiamory Podcast
• Thaum Ib Tus Neeg Koj Hlub Yog Polyamorous los ntawm Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D.
• Tsim Kom Muaj Kev Sib Raug Zoo: Koj Tes Taw Qhia Rau Viav Vias, Polyamory, & Tshaj Dhaulos ntawm Liz Powell, Psy.D.
• Kev Ncaj Ncees Slut: Phau Ntawv Qhia Txog Kev Ua Haujlwm rau Polyamory, Qhib Kev Sib Raug Zoo, thiab Lwm Yam Kev ywj pheej los ntawm Janet W. Hardy thiab Dossie Easton
• Ntau Tshaj Ob: Phau Ntawv Qhia Txog Kev Coj Zoo Ib Leeg los ntawm Franklin Veaux thiab Eve Ricket
• Poly.Land blog
• SoloPoly blog

Tshuaj xyuas rau